Mary Along The Way

The first time I watched The Passion I could not let go of the scene where Jesus falls and Mary runs to him.



In the movie she has this flash back of Jesus falling as a young child. She picks him up and holds him in her lap to comfort him. I guess I had never really thought about the horror those who loved him went through at the time of his crucifixion. I considered them to be just another group of spectators in the crowd.

It was so much more. Those that loved Jesus, the eleven, his brothers and sisters...his own mother...their hearts must have been ripped out while they watched. They were not like Jesus. The did not understand that this was just the beginning...to them...it was the end.

Throughout the movie I was moved by Mary's strength and commitment. He speaks to her from the cross and I cannot believe she is there. How can a mother watch and still...how can she not...be there for Him? It challenged me to take a look at my own desire to follow Him. Could I go to the length Mary did in loving Jesus? Would I follow Him in the terrible times as well as the good?

Lord, I want to love you like Mary did.  My heart's desire is to love you more...with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength...amen.

Jesus Falls

The third station of the cross is the first time Jesus falls.



I walk by the garden near the place where bean seeds are planted. I wonder what is going on down in the soil. Are they beginning to open and push their first leaf up towards the surface? I wish somehow I could be down in that dirt and watch the growth.

The Message says,

"Listen carefully: unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way anyone who hold on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, then you will have it forever."

Jesus spoke these words. He knew that in a very short time all that he had taught the disciples...the things he had shown them...would all seem dead. Jesus understood this dying to live thing. I love the way The Message says it...reckless in your love. Webster's defines reckless as careless of the consequences or irresponsible.

The definition of the word seems negative...not a word we want others to define us by. This path that Jesus walked leads to the most incredible act of reckless love I have ever known.

Lord, help me to be reckless in my love for you, for others...not worrying about the consequences or the sacrifice...amen.

Carrying Crosses

Jesus is condemned to carry a cross. This wooden shape was created for one thing...torture until death. The Romans made an art of creating ways to execute. They took pride in their punishment. The cross...it was the most horrific way to die...and it was chosen to be the place where Jesus would take his last breath.


The cross was a symbol of death. You would never have found a cross hanging on the wall in someone's home or worn as jewelry around a neck. Today we could liken it to the electric chair...not something we would replicate in our homes...even have a picture of somewhere. The few times I have seen an actual picture of one...I shudder.

Take a walk through you home. How many crosses do you see? The scriptures tells, "take up your cross and follow me". I am torn by this. I can almost feel shudder beginning. My friend once said that there was a time she didn't really get it. She just wasn't sure why others thought following Jesus was so great...after all his life did not end so well. I thought...you got me there.

This is a hard teaching. Learning that Jesus creates beautiful things from what we consider horrible. It is a true mystery how this works.  The cross is the ultimate symbol of this.  Only Jesus could take something as horrible and gruesome as death on a cross and make it a beautiful symbol of our faith.

Lord, help me to realize that the crosses in my life...those things that I would rather avoid...these are the things that your want to use to make something beautiful.  Show me how to surrender those things to you.  Thank you Lord for the cross, for your power to make what I think is terrible into something incredible...Amen.

Beautiful Things by Gungor

Gardens and Betrayal

I have to admit it...I am a country girl. I went to sleep last night just thinking about digging in the dirt today. I have had this vision in my head for so long...the perfect garden complete with a fence and guinea house. Each year I find myself planting...learning what works...finding joy in the smell of working soil.



I sit in the evening sun looking at the days work. With the help of my family..the fence is up..the seeds have been put in...tiny plants placed in rows. The guineas are in their new house and there is nothing else to do but watch the sprinkler rain drops on fresh tilled soil. A garden is such a picture of what will be...plants producing goodies. We work and sweat...our skin kissed by the sun and now there is nothing to do but wait and wonder. Will this pay off? Will the sacrifice make it worth it.

Jesus has been betrayed. He knows that something difficult is coming. And we find him in the a garden. There he lays it all down. He has this discussion with the Father...hoping there will be another way. In the end, he is willing...to sacrifice...to endure...to move forward.


I have thought about it throughout the day. Why Judas, would you sell out? Trade coins for the Messiah? Could it be that he just didn't quite believe that Jesus was who he said he was?

And isn't that in all of us...the ability to betray? It is easy to imagine that we would never do such a thing...sell out for coins or fame or moving up. The truth is we can and we do.

I too betray...when I pass by those in need, won't give my time to someone who is hurting, hold on to what belongs to Him.

Lord, forgive us when we betray you...put ourselves first...choose the world over you. Help me to return to the garden of prayer. The place where I find your very presence. Give me a willing heart. One that will sacrifice and lay down my own will...my wants...my desires. Create in me a clean heart where nothing would get in your way...amen.

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Journey to the Cross

This Lenten season has been a little different for me.  Instead of fasting for a season I decided to give things away permanently...a purging so to speak.  The call to give has taken on many forms...some material...some emotional...still some things not making much sense at all.  And yet I still ask, "Lord, what can I give today?"

My friend tells me of this journey they take each Sunday afternoon through the stations of the cross at her church...14 points along the journey Jesus experienced.  I asked to go along wanting to check it out...see what this worship is all about. I follow the one with the cross, a member of the congregation.  I listen and recite the liturgy, bowing my head, in awe of the way Jesus took for me.

The words in the little book of liturgy say this is a prayer journey. A time of contemplation and it only takes an hour and I want more...more than an hour...

I hear a gentle calling...back to these pages.  The place where my own journey first took the form of words typed on a screen.  What could rend a heart more than watching one pour out grace for each of us?  I invite you along for this journey...a two week contemplation on each of the "stations".  These words, they are my giving as we near the end of this season.  A giving of stuff doesn't seem quite as hard as this gift.  Laying my heart wide and putting it into words seems tougher.  Inviting you along...even tougher.

Want to journey with an e-mail delivered to you each morning?  All you have to do is type your e-mail on the "follow by e-mail" found on this page.  In the end, on the fourteenth day, when Jesus is laid in the tomb...I am reminded that the journey is not at all about the Friday called good.  Nope, it's about the Sunday Jesus saves the world.

When Things Are Quiet

No posts for a while. No worthy words to pen. The last few weeks have been like summer thunder storms. Things unexpected popping up...me just putting one foot in front of the other.

Stuff around me seems loud and inside I am quiet. I look outside from within and wonder why it seems quiet, calm. At times like these I often question myself. Give my spirit a check-up so to speak. Quiet could be a symptom of apathy, contentment, business. Have I moved away from God? Is there something in the way of the relationship? Have I not prayed enough, read enough, been disobedient.

The answer is always yes to these questions. It is my first instinct to look for something I am doing wrong. Some reason for the quiet.

I think about friendship. The best of friends they know when to be quiet. When to sit and listen. When to come along side you and walk the path you are walking. No words needed. Just the knowing that someone stands beside you is all the grace you need to take the next step, keep going, do the next thing.

I am at the funeral of one who lived some one hundred years. I listen as loved ones share their hearts. I stand to sing the words of the song chosen for this time...

"Blessed assurance Jesus is mine...Perfect submission, all is at rest. I in my Savior am happy and blessed."

Jesus is mine. One like no other...one that stoops to be my friend. This quiet is not about my short comings. It is a perfect Savior full of grace knowing exactly what I need. I reflect on the storm of the last few days...every step of the way...He's there. He gives no words, no instruction, no counsel...none is needed.

"And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby) that He may remain with you forever--" John 14: 16

Questions That Haunt...

There is one passage, a few verses, that always strike fear deep within me. I began a new book and the author speaks of the same passage. You will find it at the end of the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus telling those there that "Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven." These people Jesus speaks of, they worked miracles and experienced signs and drove out demons all in the name of Jesus. Yet Jesus says to them, "I never knew you." (Matt 7: 21-23)

I almost want to scream...HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? How does a person profess Jesus as Lord and yet not be known by the one who knows all things? More importantly...could I be like them?

The author, Kyle Idleman, writes about the difference in knowing about someone and knowing someone. He goes on to say that knowing about someone is like being a fan. You know those people who scream at concerts and pass out if the famous person touches them. Remember your teen years when your favorite actor was pictured in a poster on your wall. The truth is you might know a lot about them...eye color, birthdate, favorite food...but you don't really know them. You will probably never have a friendship or conversation with them. You don't have the phone number to call them up for a lunch date. The relationship is limited...finite...not going anywhere. Some have this kind of relationship with Jesus. He is just a picture on the wall, a Sunday routine, words on the pages of a big book.

I went to bed wondering...am I more than a fan of Jesus. I want to be. From as long as I can remember "a little bit of God" was never enough. I wanted it all. It wasn't enough to know Jesus' eye color and birthdate. I wanted and still want a friendship, His phone number...an unlimited, infinite relationship that is going somewhere.

I fell asleep haunted by the question..."Am I just a fan?" I drive to church the next morning. I reach for the radio and turn up the volume. The song pierces my soul brings tears flowing down.

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.
O what a for-taste of glory divine.
Heir of salvation purchase of God.
Born of His spirit washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song.
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song.
Praising my Savior all the day long."

A perfect answer to the question haunting me coming from ancient words sung by a popular musical group of which I am a fan. Those of us who have entered the baptismal waters, who have been washed by His blood, who claim the name of Jesus. There is blessed assurance in that. And Jesus...he is my story...my song.